Interstellar McConaughey
He’s not meant to save the world…he’s meant to leave it.
The first trailer for Christopher Nolan’s forthcoming science fiction drama Interstellar is out, and it’s an effective teaser. It’s the (very) near future, and we know that the earth is going to run out of food. And, this being Hollywood and all, the obvious solution to save humanity is to venture into space. Plausible terrestrial solutions like an all-squid diet (they’re overrunning the Pacific!) or algae-based Soylent (coming to a Whole Foods near you!) are overlooked as just too humdrum. No, we must seek food in space, and Matthew McConaughey is just the beefcake astronaut to do it.
There’s an aged, brilliant scientist (Michael Caine) who holds the key to the mission, and a heart-wrenching save-the-kids story (featuring Jessica Chastain), and Anne Hathaway in a space suit. But of course, much is left to later trailers and the film’s premiere. But one thing more is clear: the writers must have been inspired by McConaughey’s stream-of-consciousness Oscar acceptance speech for Dallas Buyer’s Club – e.g., this monologue by McConaughey’s Interstellar character, Cooper:
We’ve always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we’ve just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we’ve barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us.
Based on this uncanny bit of biographical typecasting, I give you my prediction of what really happens when all is revealed in the film: McConaughey / Cooper enters the wormhole, and through an eye-popping dose of industrial light and magic, is propelled five years into the future in a millisecond. After a refreshing zero gravity breakfast of Tang and soy goo, he checks the viewfinder and discovers an astounding sight: an infinite chorus line of McConaughey / Coopers, clad in tuxedos made of white light, gesturing heroically to the next one in line - his inspiration, his inspiration, his inspiration. And the need for food is put on hold, as is the need to save the earth. Back home, Michael Caine is watching the whole thing on sub-space YouTube, and convenes an international conference of physicists to declare that five light years will henceforth be known as a new unit of space-time: the McConaughey / Cooper. Billions of McConaughey / Coopers away, the astronaut team discovers a mega-planet made of Nutella (Nutella XG1)… but how to get all that chocolate-hazelnut goodness back to the Solar system? No problem. The wormhole is harnessed to become a pipeline of Nutella for the starving people of earth.
Well ahright ahright ahright…
The first trailer for Christopher Nolan’s forthcoming science fiction drama Interstellar is out, and it’s an effective teaser. It’s the (very) near future, and we know that the earth is going to run out of food. And, this being Hollywood and all, the obvious solution to save humanity is to venture into space. Plausible terrestrial solutions like an all-squid diet (they’re overrunning the Pacific!) or algae-based Soylent (coming to a Whole Foods near you!) are overlooked as just too humdrum. No, we must seek food in space, and Matthew McConaughey is just the beefcake astronaut to do it.
There’s an aged, brilliant scientist (Michael Caine) who holds the key to the mission, and a heart-wrenching save-the-kids story (featuring Jessica Chastain), and Anne Hathaway in a space suit. But of course, much is left to later trailers and the film’s premiere. But one thing more is clear: the writers must have been inspired by McConaughey’s stream-of-consciousness Oscar acceptance speech for Dallas Buyer’s Club – e.g., this monologue by McConaughey’s Interstellar character, Cooper:
We’ve always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we’ve just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we’ve barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us.
Based on this uncanny bit of biographical typecasting, I give you my prediction of what really happens when all is revealed in the film: McConaughey / Cooper enters the wormhole, and through an eye-popping dose of industrial light and magic, is propelled five years into the future in a millisecond. After a refreshing zero gravity breakfast of Tang and soy goo, he checks the viewfinder and discovers an astounding sight: an infinite chorus line of McConaughey / Coopers, clad in tuxedos made of white light, gesturing heroically to the next one in line - his inspiration, his inspiration, his inspiration. And the need for food is put on hold, as is the need to save the earth. Back home, Michael Caine is watching the whole thing on sub-space YouTube, and convenes an international conference of physicists to declare that five light years will henceforth be known as a new unit of space-time: the McConaughey / Cooper. Billions of McConaughey / Coopers away, the astronaut team discovers a mega-planet made of Nutella (Nutella XG1)… but how to get all that chocolate-hazelnut goodness back to the Solar system? No problem. The wormhole is harnessed to become a pipeline of Nutella for the starving people of earth.
Well ahright ahright ahright…
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